


Pages and Pages Left to Go

by LuminaFaith



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Crying, Gen, Pre-Canon, Sad times, Self-Doubt, Studying, have some sadsithea, technically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:27:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26161126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuminaFaith/pseuds/LuminaFaith
Summary: Lysithea worked very hard to get where she was. It was the only thing she could do in the face of her inevitable fate. So why couldn't she figure out one question?
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	Pages and Pages Left to Go

Lysithea stared at the page with her brow furrowed, the quill in her right hand hovering over a sheet of parchment already half-covered in near-undecipherable scribbles. That was alright – she would make her notes neater when she reread the chapter later. Right now, however, she had other issues to deal with. Tidiness could wait.

Right now, she was trying to understand just why she had to negate part of the example spell in order for it to work. She flipped back one page, darting from paragraph to paragraph. Where was the part that explained this? She set her quill down and rubbed at her eyes. She wasn’t going blind, was she? There had to be an explanation of the process somewhere, and it had to be in this textbook because all the others did things differently and couldn’t explain what in the world was happening in this example.

Lysithea let out a small groan as she returned her attention to the technical jargon. She had to figure it out, one way or another, by the end of the day. She didn’t have the luxury of time, but she wished she did if only so she could get over the damned problem.

She was supposed to get why the author of the textbook had done this. She had made it this far into the chapter and completed all the chapters prior to it, so in theory, she _should_ have been able to get it, but she wasn’t getting it. She couldn’t understand the logic behind it and it was frustrating her to no end. What had she missed? What had she understood wrong?

She abruptly stood up from her desk when she felt the telltale prickle of tears welling up in her eyes. She didn’t have time to cry – the shadows of the trees outside were getting longer – and she certainly didn’t have time to take a break – she would have to strike a candle at some point to continue reading – but she sat down on the floor anyway. She hugged her knees to her chest and tilted her head down until she could lean her forehead against them. Only then, with her face shielded from the light from her window, did she give in to the voices.

She was supposed to be good at magic. _I know._

She had been told she had an affinity for it. _Maybe I don’t._

She had worked too hard to get where she was to fail now. _But I am._

Lysithea took in one shuddering breath and felt the first few hot tears slide down her face. She clutched the fabric of her sleeves tight within her fists, pleading for her short gasps for air to be covered by the sound of leaves rustling in the wind. She wanted to scream out all the frustration and disappointment and stress and tiredness, but she dared not in case her parents or the few other family members who remained heard her.

 _I’m all that they have left._ They had told her as much when she had found the journal detailing the Ordelian history. There were so many names she had not recognized in the family trees, names of children who were born around the same year as her but were missing from the halls of their estate.

She curled tighter into a ball. _Why did it have to be me?_ Her gift had come with her Crests. It was almost too much to bear at times, as she often woke up with her jaw clenched tight as she squirmed from the power searing her veins from the inside.

 _Help me._ She wanted so badly to scream those words, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t put that burden on her parents, who had given her almost everything of the meagre resources available to them. They struggled so much, each and every day, and she couldn’t add one more problem to their list.

 _I’m tired._ Something warm fell onto her thigh and she briefly squinted at the tear that had landed there. She squeezed her eyes shut again as a fresh wave of emotions rose up in her throat, escaping from her lips in a sharp gasp. _I’m so, so tired._

She stayed on the ground for a while longer, until her chest no longer shook every time she drew in a breath. It was much darker outside, now, so she stood up and reached for one of the candles on her desk. As the wick caught flame from a fire spell, she saw the light shine on two wet dots on the floor right where she had been sitting.

Lysithea took a deep breath and wiped her face of any unnecessary moisture, then sat back down at her desk. She momentarily rubbed at the skin around her eyes, feeling the familiar sting and dryness follow her motion, and picked up her quill. She couldn’t waste any more time.

**Author's Note:**

> i done got souped
> 
> Come chat with me on Twitter (@LuminaFaith)!


End file.
